Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
