Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
