turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
