i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Go christen that room with your naked body.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
