i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize