yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
