It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
