Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
