I wish my penis had an off switch
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
