i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
