walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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