I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Randomize
