Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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