I hate all girls vehemently.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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