You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
