If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize