nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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