Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
