Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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