therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
