Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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