Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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