blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
