Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
