I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
