Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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