Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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