Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
