You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
