I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
