Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
50% drunk capacity currently
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
