Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
