her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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