I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
