I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
