I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
