dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
