So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
