Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
