i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
