Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
