some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
