At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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