PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
