he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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