cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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