all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
