Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
not ubering you a puppy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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