i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
