There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
