____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
