I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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