my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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