have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
