Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
