ugly people sure do ruin things
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
