The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize