smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
