He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Shame is for Republicans.
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