lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
now i know why i became what i already was.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
