You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
