at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Panties = found
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
