Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
