Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize