I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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