just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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