making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
